Fire and Ice
by lyannasrose
Summary: When Jon rescued Sansa from the eyrie, he brings her back to their home Winterfell. But Winterfell doesn t feel like home anymore. Both have lost so much during the last years. However it seems like they found comfort in each other and Jon is conflicted between his duties as a commander and his duties towards his family.(Contains a certain theory!Also I suck at summaries) JonxSansa
1. Chapter 1

_**Chapter One: **Kissed by Fire_

* * *

"I´m sorry Sansa" he said and left her alone with Ghost.

Since he brought her back to Winterfell….he wasn´t himself anymore. He was distant. Sure they were never close before he went to the wall, but still…she thought he would be happy to see her again.

But he changed.

Weren´t they all? She thought. This was their home, but it doesn´t felt like it anymore. She stroked Ghost and looked at him. He was watching her, not just looking at her, no it was like…he could see through her. You understand me, do you? She thought.

No answer. Of course not. Animals can´t speak, but they sure understood people.

"You will always be loyal to him Ghost, you will protect him" _You must. He´s the only family left._

"I miss Lady so much. You would have liked her." she said with a sad smile and went straight to the window. The view was beautiful. This is home, this is the north. But she felt so alone. I was no one as Alayne. Just a bastard like him, but I had a role. Now that she was Sansa Stark again, she felt empty.

All the feelings she displaced, came back. There must always be a Stark at Winterfell her father said once. She and Jon, were the only ones left. She missed watching Robb and Jon together. Playing with their swords, while Bran and Rickon were watching them. She missed her parents. The proud smiles they had, while they watched their children…she would never see it again. _Dead is dead._

The old nan once told her and Arya a tale about an orphan who was poor and possessed everything she had, on her body. She had a beautiful white dress, it was the only thing left of her mother. She loved it. When she was sad and missed her parents, she just wore it. With that she never felt alone. She could smell the odor of her mother. And sometimes she felt warmer with it. Although it was winter and she froze to death, it wasn´t cold anymore. She was safe. The death could never reach her. She tricked the death.

"Could I trick the death Ghost?" she asked without turning around.

But someday she met a poor child who didn´t had any clothing on her, she would not survive the night. She could see it in her face. There was no color left. _Please help me_ the child said. _It´s so cold, I feel so empty_. The girl couldn´t let her die.

So she took off the only thing left of her mother and gave it to the child. _Go and live_ she said to her and headed away. _But you will die_ the child shouted after her. _You can´t trick the death child_, she said and left her.

"No you can´t. You can try…but at the end it will take you" she answered.

They would never come back.

"Sansa…" said Jon behind her and touched her shoulders.

"Since when were you here Jon?"

"Long enough to hear the tale" he said with sorrow in his voice.

"It´s just a tale Jon. Nothing more."

"Nothing is nothing."

"Why are you avoiding me? Did I do something wrong? Is it because how I treated you when we were children?" she said anxious.

"You did nothing wrong Sansa, and I´m not angry about it. We were just children."

"But you still didn´t answer my question. Why are you avoiding me? Am I bothering you? Am I a burden?"

"Ohh Sansa, how can you say such things" he replied with a smile and came in front of her. He looked for a very long time deep in her eyes, before he answered again.

"Don´t worry much Sansa! Did I not came to save you from Baelish? You´re my sister…you could never be a burden to me. It´s my fault. I should have taking better care of you."

"How Jon? You were on the wall. This is not your fault! I´m just glad that you´re here. I thought I would never see you again" she said with tears in her eyes and hugged him. He just stroked her hair and hugged her back with his other arm.

She never told him what happened in Kingslanding and with…. Petry. He wanted to ask her, but he didn´t want to press her. If she wanted to talk, she would come to him, he was sure of it. But right know he was just happy to see a Stark face again. Especially hers. He could hear her heartbeat, it was bumping really fast.

Her hands were shaking. So he took her right hand and stroked it soft. He wanted to comfort her, and he didn´t know how. When they were children, they never really interacted together. But when he saw her again, when he saved her from _him_ something changed between them. He never really realized how beautiful she was. The long red hair and the beautiful sad smile…he couldn´t stop thinking about it. Especially at night when he couldn´t sleep. He played with a red strand.

"I like it when you play with my hair" she said behind his ear.

"It´s beautiful. Do you know what they say about a woman with hair like yours?"

"No, what do they say?" she asked curious.

He took her face in one hand and looked at her. The other still wrapped in her hair.

"Kissed by fire. The wildlings considering it as good luck."

"Maybe they´re right."

"How come?" he replied.

"Since fathers death…luck and hope was the last thing that went to my life. But..

"But what Sansa?"

"But when I saw you again, how you stretched out your hands…I felt for the first time a spark of hope. So maybe they´re right" she smiled at him. How he loved to see it, especially after all the things that happened to her.

"I´m kissed by fire Jon" she said with a playful tone in her voice.

"Indeed."

* * *

**This is the first time I wrote something for Got/Asoiaf! Jon and Sansa are my fav pairing, so I thought I would write something. I don´t know if I should continue it or not! Let me know if it´s ok..and I´m all here for constructive criticism :))**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter Two:** The Conflict_

* * *

He was sitting in the dark room, starring at the blank paper. He couldn´t sleep, so he tried to write to the wall. They needed an answer, and importantly him. He was restless. When was the last time, he fully slept? _Sleep is for the weak, you can sleep when you´re dead._

His mind went to Sansa. Was she asleep now? Of course, she must be really tired. She looked so pale and tired. What have they done to her? He tried not to think about it much, cause it upset him too much. He wished he had been there with her. If I had been there with her, I would have protected her and Arya. And maybe….he could have saved his father or uncle if the rumors were true. If Howland Reed said the truth. What have they done to them? There was no family left. Since Robert Baratheon came to Winterfell, everything turned upside down. What if Jon Arryn never died? What if their father never became the hand of the king? Would they still be so miserable right now? He looked down at Ghost. He was asleep. Jon stroked his head and smiled.  
"Good to see one of us resting" he said with a smile.  
Coming back to reality his smile faded away. So many things I have to do. And too little time. Sometimes he wished he could be a boy again. Just a child who didn´t know anything, who had innocent eyes. Who only saw the beauty in this world, and nothing more. No death, hunger or war. Just pure joy.  
A boy could dream, he thought. But he wasn´t a boy anymore for a very long time, he couldn´t afford to think like that. He was a lord commander. Whether he liked it or not. He had taken an oath.  
A hesitant knock brought him out of his thoughts.

"Jon?" a voice said.  
"Come in" he answered.  
Maester Sam came in and sat in front of him. Sam looked tired.  
"Why are you still awake Sam?"  
"I had some work to do, and I really wanted to go to sleep, but I knew you  
weren´t still asleep..so I thought I would look after you."  
"You don´t have to, go to Gilly she must be waiting for you" he said calmly.  
After he mentioned her, Sam looked guilty. Sam lived with her and felt terrible, cause he broke his oath. Jon told him that as a maester he could have this free pass, but only on the condition that he was discrete. Still when they talked about her, Sam looked like he killed someone.  
"Yes and I will be in a minute, but I wanted to talk with you."  
"About what?" Jon asked curious. He knew that Sam wouldn´t come so late at night, if it weren´t so important.  
"About Sansa. Jon you can´t be here forever, we have to go back to the wall. They need their commander! If you´re not there, what will happen? The wall can´t be protected without a commander."  
"Don´t you think I don´t know this? Why do I hesitate to write back? Why can´t I sleep? Sam I can´t leave her" he replied outraged.  
"I know, that´s why I came here. I thought you could take her with you."  
He thought he heard wrong. Taking her with him to the wall? Where Stannis and the red woman was. No, he couldn´t. It was too dangerous for her. He would never jeopardize her life.  
"No" he said only.  
"Jon I know what you´re thinking, but she´s more in danger without you! When she´s all alone here. Don´t you think it´s better to have her in your proximity so you can protect her? Believe me I wouldn´t take it into account, if I didn´t think it would be better for her. After all she´s your sister. She´s from your blood. So she´s like my family. I don´t want her to hurt."  
"Thank you Sam. I still don´t know what to do, I have to think about it. This is not an easy decision for me. I know that we have to go back. And I will not forget it. You still remember my oath..  
"And I will not forget it Jon. Now I will leave you be, you should sleep. You need to rest Jon" he said and stood up. Jon wanted also to get up, but Sam waved him off .  
"I can find my way out. Good night."  
"Cousin."  
"What?" asked Sam.  
"She´s my cousin, not my sister."  
Sam didn´t reply. He just went straight to the door, and opened it.  
Leaving Jon alone with his own thoughts.

He waited some minutes and left then his chamber. He went to the room across from him. Sansas. The guard let him pass without any questions, after all he was under his command. He closed her door as quietly as possible, he didn´t want to wake her. Her room was pitch-dark. He couldn´t see really much, only the shape of her body under the blanket. And the beautiful long red hair. Of course he couldn´t see the color because of the darkness but he knew it was red. It was spreaded all over her bed. He went straight to her bed and looked at her. She looked so peaceful. Full of hope. It was like she never saw darkness. He could hear her soft breathing. She must have a beautiful dream, he thought. If I could only sleep like that. He stroked her right cheek and closed his eyes. He was tired.

"Jon? Is it you?" muttered Sansa, eyes still closed.  
"Yes, it´s me. I thought I would check on you, before I would go to sleep."  
Sansa opened her eyes, trying to adjust to the darkness. She saw him kneeling in front of her. His eyes were closed. She stretched her hand out, and stroked his beautiful dark hair, which reminded her so much of her fathers.  
"You look tired Jon, you should go to sleep."  
"And I will, after you fell asleep" he said, eyes still closed.  
"Jon don´t be ridiculous! You need to rest, I will be fine. You don´t need to worry, I won´t break." _I don´t want to be alone, please stay she wanted to say, but she kept quiet._  
"I know. You´re not a child anymore, but still…I´m responsible for you. Let someone take care of you."  
"Ok" she just replied.  
"Ok"  
"Jon?"  
"Yes?"  
"What´s wrong? And don´t tell me it´s nothing. Something is clearly bothering you! What is it?" she asked caring.  
"It´s nothing for you to bare. Just a small thing on the wall."  
"You have to go back."  
"Don´t worry, I won´t leave you. It´s nothing."  
"Nothing is nothing" she used his own words against him.  
He laughed. She was a smart lass.  
"And?" she said impatient.  
"Sam suggested something."  
"And what did he suggested, that makes you so nervous?"  
"You were right. I have to go back, but not for long. I´m the lord commander, I can't be gone for a long time. Sam reminded me of my duty as a commander, like I would not know it. I was there when we made the oath. But he´s right, I can´t abandon them. They´re my brothers now."  
"I know Jon, I would never hold you back. I understand" she said with a sad voice. He opened his eyes and looked at her.  
"Like I said before, I won´t leave you. You will come with me" he said carefully.  
Sansa was speechless. She didn´t know what to say. He would not leave her alone, he would take her with him even if it was forbidden.  
"You would really do that?"  
"Of course. You´re family, I will not abandon you ever. We will stay together, we can´t afford to lose each other again. We´re the only Starks left."  
"And Targaryens" she said.  
"If the rumors are true."  
"Why should Howland Reed lie about something so important like that. He won´t gain anything from it" she looked at his grey eyes, even though she couldn´t really see them because of the darkness.  
"Do you want it to be true?" she asked.  
"I don´t know. I don´t know anything Sansa" he said honestly. She left his hair and took his left hand in hers.  
"It doesn´t matter. You look like a Stark and you will always be one. Now go to sleep, or I will drag you out myself."  
Before he could stand, Ghost came. He made himself comfortable between Sansas lap. He always sought her nearness.  
"He likes you" he stated.  
"And I him. He reminds me of Lady, I miss her. I wish she was still here."  
Jon felt for her. He could never live without Ghost. Sometimes he thought they were the same person. He couldn´t imagine how the loss of her wolf must feel.  
"I´m sorry love, I truly am."  
"It´s ok, it was long ago."  
After that they were both quiet, too tired to talk. Jon stayed until she fell asleep.

* * *

It was cold outside, winter was coming like his father always said. It was still early in the morning, when Jon was practicing with his sword. Trying to make his mind clear, hitting with it without a specific goal. After a while he heard someone behind him.  
"Don´t fret. It´s just me, Sam."  
Jon laid the sword carefully to his original place, and turned to Sam.  
"Please don´t say, you came here because you waited the whole night for an answer" he said.  
"No Gilly has sent me to ask you, if you have already eaten."  
"Yes, but not too much. I´m not really hungry. What of Sansa? Is she already awake?"  
"Yes, she is. She´s in the godswoods."  
Sam headed away, when Jon spoke again.  
"I told her" he said to him.  
"That you will take her with you to the wall."  
"How did you know, I would take her with me."  
"I just knew. How did she take it?" asked Sam.  
"Surprisingly good."  
"That´s good Jon. When will we leave?"  
"In less than a week" replied Jon.

Sansa was only in her undergarment, when Jon bursted into her room. She was shocked for a minute, and didn´t know what to do. After a while she just turned around.  
"Jon. I´m changing."  
"I know..I´m sorry" he said with a shaky voice and closed his eyes.  
She knew that he was an honorable man, and that he meant it. So she let it be, after all she trusted him. He wasn´t like the other men, who lusted after her and used her for their own purpose. He was her brother or…cousin.  
She turned around again, seeing him with closed eyes. She laughed.  
"You can open your eyes again."  
He did, seeing her in a beautiful black, long armed dress. It bought out her slender waist, he tried not to stare too much but he couldn´t help himself. Although he wore the black, he was still a man. A man who didn´t lay with a woman for a very long time. He felt guilty, about his inappropriate thoughts. He didn´t want to feel like that around her. She was innocent, and too young.  
"Why are you laughing?" he asked.  
"I don´t know, I find your discomfort amusing."  
"I see" he said and stepped forward till he was inches away from her.  
"You look sweaty, did you practiced with the sword?"  
"Yes, and I wanted to take a bath. And I will went for it in a minute, but I wanted to tell you something first."  
"What is it?"  
"Nothing special. Sam came to me and asked me when we will head to the wall."  
"You did not change your mind or?" she asked anxious.  
"No. We will leave in a week, make all your preparations before we leave."  
He tried to sound commanding, so she would not see the lust in his voice.  
But the attempt failed. He hoped she didn´t catch on it.  
"Good to know." she answered.  
"Now I need a bath, if you will excuse me" he said and went to the door.  
She didn´t say anything, so he left.

When the door was closed, he inhaled deeply. So close, he thought. What was wrong with him? He should probably go to the godswoods, so he would get off from his dark thoughts. He never had a problem around women before, he could always control himself. But the temptation with her was too high.  
_He was playing with fire._

* * *

**I´m sorry for any grammatical mistakes, but I don´t have a beta :) I hope you like it! And I would love to know what you think:)**


	3. Chapter 3: Fear of the Unknown

_"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."_

* * *

Four days passed since Jon told them about their departure to the wall.

Sansa was sitting on the balcony, with a perfect view over Winterfell. The sun would perish soon. It was really quiet here, she loved the silence. She hasn´t been so beautifully self-composed since she left Winterfell for the first time and headed to Kingslanding. Little did Sansa know at this time that she would be on the road to ruin. She was just a little dove like Cersei used to call her. A dove with dreams full of princes and princesses. Had she only known what Joffrey and his family would do to her and her…family, then she would have never gone there. The fairytales about knights would never be the same for her. How? They were all corrupt and selfish. She saw it in Kingslanding. And Petry told her, that there is no one in this world who doesn´t think about himself at first. Of course they wouldn´t show it, they would hide their nature. They would hide their selfishness. _They played. They were playing a dangerous game._

"_Aren´t you just a sweet little thing. Look at them, they all are better liars than you. They hate the Lannisters like you, yet they´re looking like they loving them. And now look at you. Your face says everything. If you want to survive a little longer, then you have to change the rules. And now I´m asking you, are you ready for it?_"

Coming back to reality, she looked at her hands. A needle in her right hand and a green fabric on the other hand. She was sewing. Since she was a child it always calmed her to sew. The old nan taught her how to do it. After all that´s what daughters of lords have to do. She loved it. All the woman things they had to learn, she always couldn´t wait to grow up and marry a prince. In this case Joffrey, who she adored. He was a cruel monster, she thought. How can people like that even exist? She was blinded because of the love she had for him. How could I ever loved such a person? But what did she knew of love at this age. I was only a child, nothing more. Switching her thoughts, she came back to the accident days ago. Jon was shocked to see her only in her undergarments. She felt embarrassed at first, but when she saw the dark look in his face and how he tried to hide his arousal she didn´t feel uncomfortable anymore. In a weird way she felt strong. Strong in a way, that she had power over him. Power over a man. She knew this looks from other men in her past, but she felt always uncomfortable under their eyes.

She didn´t liked it, how they looked at her. She didn´t want to be objectified by them. She felt naked and vulnerable. But she knew that Jon wasn´t like any men. He was different. He had an oath, and he was an honorable man. He would never objectify her. He had a pure soul. But still she liked it. He didn´t saw the little child anymore. How could he? When they parted she was only a young girl with a childish dream. With a terrible naive dream. She may be still young but she must be a grown woman in his eyes now. She wasn´t the only one who changed physically. He also. Sometimes she caught herself looking at him, at his body. He wasn´t so muscular before, but now as a commander he looked very masculine. It must be, with all the training and the fights. Every time when she had inappropriate thoughts of him, she felt terrible and guilty. But maybe she felt like that, because she didn´t had that. Maybe because she never felt the love of a man. Maybe because she was lonely and he was always there.

Still she shouldn´t feel like that, it´s not very ladylike of her. She laid the needle and the fabric carefully on the table and stood up. Looking a last time over the beautiful nature of Winterfell, she went back to her room.

She let the Window open, so she could still look outside. It was warm considering that her home was always cold. Winter was something they lived with since their birth, and it never really got warm here. And now they have to prepare themselves from winter. Winter was coming. Jon said that she had to prepare herself from the cold. The wall was Ice cold, and she had to get used to it.

It wouldn´t bother her so much, after all Jon was with her. She wouldn´t be alone. She would be with him.

* * *

They just finished dinner, and he was escorting her back to her room. They never really talked much, but he loved to hear her voice again. So he just asked random things at the dinner table. Just to have a conservation. Now that they finished dinner and he brought her back to her chamber, he didn´t know what to say. They were standing in front of her door now.

"I hope you liked dinner?" he asked.

"Yes it was delicious, like always" she smiled.

"That´s good to hear love." She loved it when he called her love. She couldn´t hide the tiny smile that always reached to her face when he said it.

"What´s so funny?" he asked curious.

"Nothing" she replied and went to her room, with Jon following behind her.

Jon closed the door and went straight to a chair beside her bed.

He sat, never leaving her face.

"So will you tell me what´s so funny or do I have to force it out of you?"

"It´s really nothing Jon, just a small thing without relevance."

She went to the bed, and laid to the the side which was the closest to him. He was still sitting and looking down at her now.

"Still, would you tell me? Please?" he asked with a puppy face.

"You often call me love."

"And?"

"I told you it´s of no importance. I just like it when you call me love" she replied shyly, avoiding his eyes.

"Then I will use it often now" he smiled. "You look tired, I will leave you be. You should rest while you still can. The trip to the wall will exhaust you" he said with concern in his voice.

"I will. Will you stay here until I fall asleep?"

"Of course" he said and blew the candle out, which was the only light in the room. She snuggled into the warm blanket and closed her eyes. Dozing off to another world. Feeling his presence not far away from her.

* * *

She woke up tangled between the blanket. Trying to adjust her eyes to the early sun. She groaned. It was still to early to getting up, but she couldn´t sleep longer. So she stood up and called for her maidens. When they arrived, they immediately knew what to do without any instruction from Sansa. Gilly was one of them. At first Sansa felt bad for letting Gilly work here as her personal maid, but Sam told her that Gilly really wanted to do it, and that she couldn´t just sit and do nothing. To put it in words, she wanted it for herself. She didn´t want to be useless, thought Sansa. She could empathize with that. Everyone wants to clear their mind for a while, and forget about reality. Maybe that was what Gilly did.

"The bath is ready. Milady, do you need anything more?" asked Gilly.

"No thank you. You are excused, but Gilly shall stay."

The women bowed to her and left quietly the room. Leaving her with Gilly alone. When Sansa stripped off her clothes, Gilly turned around to give her privacy. Sansa went straight to the bath tub and sinked into the water. It was pleasantly warm, and it smelled of rose petals. She breathed it in, smiling like a child.

"This smells so good Gilly" she stated.

Gilly turned around and smiled.

"Indeed, it was brought fresh from Highgarden. They say the whole area of the Tyrells smells of rose petals, and that every footpath is full of flowers and bouquets." Sansa smiled. For Gilly these stories and narratives must be heavenly. She never saw anything other than her home and the wall. She knew this feeling. Before she went to Kingslanding, she also weren´t anywhere.

"I don´t know of it, but I heard the same" responded Sansa.

It was quiet for a while, till Ginny started to asking her questions.

"Milady will not like the wall, it´s always cold. And most of the men are behaving like cavemen. Lord Snow let the Wildlings live there."

"It doesn´t matter Gilly, if Jon thinks they can live there, so be it."

"But I´m concerned for your wellbeing, they don´t see women often there, especially not a noble woman like you. Jon can´t always protect you."

"But he will, I trust him."

"You´re right. The Lord Commander would never let anything happen to you. I should not have said anything. Please don´t tell him this, I don´t want to make him angry. You have my apologies."

"You needn´t worry, I won´t tell him anything about this. And you surely don´t need to apologize. You´re probably right about the Wildlings, but Stannis Baratheon is also there, and I don´t think they would behave like this in front of him and his men. Or Jon. After all he´s the Lord Commander."

After Sansa was freshly prepared, Gilly excused herself. But she didn´t went away without a last word.

"Milady?" asked Gilly carefully.

"You don´t need to call me all the time Milady. It´s Sansa. What is your question?" she smiled.

"Sansa" said Gilly to herself and opened the door.

"He cares about you."

"Who?" asked Sansa knowing the answer.

"Lord Snow. I see how he looks at you. He fancies you" she only said and headed away. Leaving Sansa confused. She didn´t know what to think about this statement. She wasn´t sure of anything right now.

Could it be? Maybe she wasn´t the only one with this odd and foreign feelings. Maybe he was struggling too. It doesn´t matter she said to herself, he´s a Lord Commander and also her brother. Or not. She looked a last time at the mirror, to see if she was presentable, and left her chamber.

* * *

She found him training like usually at this time. He was bare from upside and had a sword in his right hand. Balancing it like it was the easiest thing in the world. His beautiful hair flew around. It was longer than usual. She wanted to stroke it softly with her fingers, like he did it with her hair.

"Your hair grew a lot."

He turned to her and smiled.

"And? Should I trim it?" he asked, still holding the sword.

"I only said that it´s longer than it was before."

"But do you like it like that?" he came in front of her.

She couldn´t concentrate when he was looking at her like that. Trying to keep calm, she responded.

"I think so, but maybe you should trim the dead ends" she said mockingly and played with a long wave.

"They aren´t that bad, I could let them be."

"You could, but you don´t have to."

"I will ask for a barber, but till then we should go in. It´s too cold, and I´m hungry."

He put the sword down to his place and took her hand in his. Leading her to the dinning room.

The room was large and beautifully decorated. The long curtains at the window had the colors of the Stark sigil. When she came back here again, she changed a lot. Trying to make Winterfell home again. First it was Theon who destroyed and captured her home. After that it was Ramsay Bolton. Destroying everything what her family had built. Marking the Wolfs home until Jon came with his men and Stannis Baratheons knights. She didn´t know what happened with Ramsay. But she figured that Stannis let execute him. Maybe she would ask Jon, he would know it.

They sat silently at the table and ate. No one was there, except her and Jon.

"Where is Sam?" she asked. Sometimes he ate with them, and today he would have been here.

"He excused himself. He may have a lot of work to do as a Maester, also preparing for our departure."

"So in less than two days we will be leaving" she stated, picking with the fork at the food.

"Yes. I hope you did not get cold feet."

"Why would I? I´m still coming with you. Even though someone told me some interest things about the wall."

"What did the person say?"

"That there are Wildlings at the wall. And that it would be dangerous for a woman like me" she said without looking at him.

He put his fork down and stood up. Heading to her.

Bending down between her legs, hands on her thighs.

"Look at me."

She turned her face to him, looking at him vulnerable.

"You will never have to worry about anything again. I will protect you. Nothing will happen to you there. Do you hear me? I would die before anything happens to you. Don´t forget that, ok?" he said, while waiting for her to answer.

She didn´t say anything. She just nodded with tears in her eyes. She was afraid. Afraid of the unknown.

"Come here" he said, bringing her down to him. Hugging her, and stroking her hair. He wasn´t really an affectionate person, but with her everything was different. He didn´t like to see her hurt. Didn´t want to see the tears in her eyes. She clung to him, not letting him go. He didn´t.

* * *

That´s how Sam found them. Clinging to each other like lovers under the pale moon. Only that it was broad daylight. Leaving the room quietly without making any noises he went to Gilly. She was sitting in their room, trying to read. Which she couldn´t. They never showed her how. How even? Craster used them as his housewives, raping them and using them for his own needs.

As if he would have showed them how to read. He would teach her how to read.

"Ahh there you are" she said not looking up from the book, desperately trying to encode it.

"I was searching for Jon, when I found him wrapped up."

"Wrapped up in what?"

"Wrapped up in Sansa."

The book fell from her hands.

"You mean..

"Good Lord! Not like that, I mean they were hugging. Having a private bonding moment I think."

"Ohh that makes sense" said Gilly.

"Why does it make sense? Do you mean because they just found each other, because they´re the only Starks left?"

"Not only. Come on, have you not seen how he´s looking at her? He fancies her."

"I never gave it a mind. But he did say the other night something to me, that could fit with your observation."

"What did he say?" she asked curious.

"I just called Sansa his sister in our conversation. When I wanted to leave him for the night, he told me that she was his cousin and not his sister. He must have thought about it the whole time during our conversation. He´s very protective of her. I assumed it´s because they´re family, but it seems there is more to it than we thought."

* * *

**Does any of you know how many days or...weeks? it takes to travel from Winterfell to the Wall?**


	4. Chapter 4: Struggle

They were laying in their tent, everyone on their own side. Ghost was between their shared bed. She couldn´t sleep because of the cold, so she clung firm to the blanket and snuggled tighter to Ghost. He was warm and soft. His heat calmed her down. With this, she would be soon fall asleep. She looked around the tent. It wasn´t so uncomfortable like she thought it would be. They were only one day away from the wall, and she could already feel the cold for miles.

She was tired and just wanted to arrive. After a while her gaze laid on Jons sleeping form. It took a lot, to convince him to go to sleep. She wasn´t surprised, after all he was stubborn like their father used to be. At first he didn´t want to, but she could see the dark circles under his eyes. He was tired. Just like her.

He reminded her, that someone must stay awake to watch out.

"It´s too dangerous outside. We have no walls or castles here to protect ourselves. We´re vulnerable, vulnerable for the enemy. We have to keep our eyes open, Sansa." She just rolled with her eyes and told him not to be always so serious, and let someone else watch for the night. They argued a lot about it, but at the end she won. She could see that he was not happy about it, but he still let her be in charge.

"Ohh you stubborn woman" he said frustrated and headed out from their tent, to find someone else for the task.

It didn´t took a long time for him to find someone else. When he came back after an hour, he immediately went to Ghost, who was laying on the floor, trying to make himself comfortable. Jon sat on the floor beside him, cross-legged. He stroked his fur and talked with him. She observed him, but didn´t say anything. He looked definitely calmer and happier. Making their bed for the night, she turned around and said.

"Who did you find for the night?"

"Sam. He said the baby would keep him and Goldy awake, so it would not be a problem to watch out for the night."

"That´s good to hear. I hope you´re not angry with me. I would never question your authority as a commander..

"I know, love. Don´t think too much about it. You were right, I was tired and too stubborn just to let someone else take the task for one night. I should have known that I can´t always do everything, but I got used to it."

"Of course Jon, I just don´t want to argue with you. I don´t like it, when we´re like this. It´s strange, and new." Letting go of Ghosts fur, Jon stood up and went straight to her. Helping her to compose the pillows.

"Me neither, let´s just forget it" he smiled. She smiled back and finished their bed.

"Which side do you prefer?" she asked him.

"I will sleep there with Ghost, so you can have the bed" he pointed at the place where Ghost was, and took some of the pillows.

"No, I won´t let you. You sleep here with me, it´s not a problem Jon. It´s too cold for you, to sleep on the floor without any thick blankets."

"But..

"No back talk! You will sleep here, now blow out the candles and come to bed" said Sansa and laid on the right side.

Jon did like she told him, and blew them out. After that, he went a last time to Ghost and stroked his head.

"I know I can depend on you" he said and left him be.

He laid carefully on the other side of her, trying not to get too close to her. Enveloped in the blanket they stayed silent for a while.

The only noise they could make of was Ghost snoring and the cold wind that swept over the tent. Before he fall asleep, he told her.

"I want you to know, not to be afraid to raise your voice. You´re a woman with your own mind and voice, a _queen,_ you don´t need to justify yourself to me."

She was speechless, how did he always say the right words. She wouldn´t know.

Since he came back into her life, she felt safe and secure. She hoped it would always stay like that, that nothing bad would ever happen to them again.

"Thank you. I truly am Jon, you saved me."

"Always."

Coming back to reality, she looked a last time at Jon. Bringing the blanket closer to him, so he would not freeze to death.

* * *

They arrived midday, being greeted by one of his men who was in charge during Jons absence. She was stunned how huge the wall was, and couldn´t keep her eyes away from it. When Jon saw her bewilderment, he told her he would show her the perfect view over the top. She just nodded and perceived the surroundings.

After a while he excused himself and went with some of his men to his quarters. But not before telling Sam to show her, her new chamber for the stay.

"Come Milady, I will escort you to your room and after that we will go to the dinning room. You must be terrible hungry like all of us."

"Indeed. I can´t see any rice anymore" she responded and walked beside him.

"I agree, eating the same thing in this exhausting journey for the whole week, was unbearable."

"How was the ride, may I ask."

"Other than stressful, very quiet" she responded and let Sam open a door for them. They headed straight to her corridor without any halt. She couldn´t see much from the inside, but she could take a peak at the dining room which was covered with many of Jons men. Before they could take the stairs, someone came in front of them. A tall old man, with white-blonde hair.

"Who do we have here. Now isn´t it Samwell Tarly."

"Lord Thorne" said Sam.

Ser Alliser Thorne looked between them, till his gaze hung only at Sansa. He looked straight at her eyes, trying to understand her presence. After a while he finished his observation and looked with a hard face at Sam again.

"Who is this?" he said harsh.

"This is Sansa Stark, Milord. The legitimized daughter of Lord Eddard Stark and his wife Catelyn Tully."

"I see, another Stark. Why did the bastard brought her here? This place is not women friendly, especially not for noble women. What did the bastard thought..

"His name is Jon and not bastard, you should not forget it. He´s your lord commander" interrupted Sansa.

"Now isn´t she a feisty one" said Alliser and grinned at her.

She couldn´t stand his face, she already hated this man. How dare he talk with her like that, and insult Jon in front of them. She hoped, she would not see him often here. This was enough for a life time. She wanted to say something again, but she got interrupted by Jons voice behind her.

"Ser Thorne" said Jon, putting his left hand behind her back.

"Lord Snow" responded Alliser with a despising sound in his voice.

"Sam guide her to her chamber, I have to talk with Ser Thorne."

"Of course Jon" said Sam and prompted her to follow him. When she headed to the first step, she heard Jons voice again.

"I will escort you to dinner, just wait for me."

With that she left Jon alone with Lord Thorne. Hoping he would soon come to her.

"Uhh he is so unlikeable. And he is obviously not very keen of Jon" said Sansa during their way to her chamber.

"Indeed. Since Jon came to the wall, he was going through a lot. Lord Thorne wasn´t the only one, who gave him a hard time."

"But why? Everyone loves him. I know Jon, he would never provoke someone intentionally, or start an argument. He´s not the type for drama. He was always one of the quiet ones."

"They hate him, because he is better than them. They envy him, especially Lord Thorne. He sees him as a threat. He wanted Jons position. He wasn´t really fond, when Jon became Lord Commander and not him."

"Ohh, but Jon never asked for it. They choose him. This is ridiculous."

" I know, but you can´t change the human race. They always want that, what they can´t have. Or they want more. Jon is a target now, he has many enemies like many others…

"Yes, but how many enemies he may have, he will always have the same amount of people who are with him. He has the north. And now that he may have Targaryen blood in his veins, maybe a lot of converts" said Sansa rapturously.

"It could be my Lady, but he´s not really keen of the theory…

"That´s because he was always a Stark, since his birth. That´s what he knows, he may never knew who his mother was, but he always knew he was a Stark. Now that he may be not my fathers child, he loses the only tie he had to a parent. But like I told him before, it doesn´t matter if he´s my fathers child by blood or Rhaeagars, he´s one of us. He just looks like my father. He has north blood, and he belongs there. I shall tell him this more often, so he would not be so conflicted."

"You shall" said Sam and stopped in front of a door, who was watched by two men on either side.

She halted behind him, when he opened the door to her new home for the next months. It was huge, and beautifuly decorated for a chamber in the nights watch.

She turned her head back to Sam.

"Thank you for escorting me here" she said.

"Of course, now I will leave you be to settle down here."

When Sam closed the door behind her, she went straight to the window in the middle of the room. Not far away from the huge bed, that was enveloped with white silks. The view was breathtaking and frightening at the same time.

Snow. There was everywhere snow, and she could see the huge mountains far away beyond the wall. She was curious what lurked there, she was curious to know if the stories of the old nan were the truth. Yes, she was scared of them, but she couldn´t help herself for wanting to know all these things. She wanted answers, for all the questions she had in her head. But she knew, she wouldn´t get the answers for everything.

Sometimes you will never get an answer. That´s how it works. She knew of experience. How many nights did she lay awake in her bed, plagued by her fathers death. Asking herself, why he did that to her father. Why he ended her fathers life, even when he knew that her father was innocent. She could pray to every old god she could think of, but what use would it be? They still wouldn´t tell her why. He was an honourable man, and look where it brought him.

Jon was also honourable, and because of that she was afraid. Afraid something will happen to him. Afraid for his life. He survived an attack once, but how many will come along?

You can not trust anybody, not anymore. She wants to tell him, to be safe, to take more care of his life. But she can´t open her mouth. She can´t tell him about her nightmares, about her fears. If she would say the words, it would be real. It would make her fears alive.

She wanted to turn around so she could inspect her bed, but two strong arms came from behind her, and held her waist. She could feel his body pressed against hers. Feeling his strong arms on her. Holding her like he was afraid, she would fall apart and disappear. He smelled of cold winter, and warm wood.

She could feel his breath behind her ear.

"The view is magnificent or?" he said with admiration in his voice.

She always thought he was miserable here, but it seems, that he was very fond of this place. As if it was his home. Sure it was, but she never saw him so calm in Winterfell. He looked like, he was constantly in pain. Did he forget their home? Or worse, did he wanted to forget it?

"Indeed. In a weird way, it has a beautiful melancholy" she answered.

"The first time I was here, I hated it. I hated it with every fiber of my body. I was homesick, and angry at our father for letting me live here. Angry for letting me rot here, angry for not telling me what I would getting myself into."

He didn´t say anything anymore, just looking through the window where her eyes kept occupied the whole time. He was not here, not in a mentally way. He must be in deep thoughts, she recognized. Bringing his arms to her stomach, and holding his hands, she said.

"But you truly know, that he loved you. He always talked about you. Mother hated it, when he mentioned you. But when she saw the shine in his eyes while talking about you, she knew that he loved you with all his heart. That´s why she just tried to ignore that you were not hers. You should know that father would have never let you stay here, when he knew of your uneasiness. He would have dragged you out, and brought you home. If it´s were with us in Kingslanding or with Robb in Winterfell, you would not have been alone. If you´re his son by blood or not, there is one thing I´m sure of."

He didn´t say anything, just waited for her to continue, while trying to keep his composure. His arms became tighter around her. It was like, every feeling he felt, every pain he experienced, were flowing through his veins. He was hurt, and trying to escape the pain by holding her firmly.

"He loved your mother with all his being" she said with sorrow in her voice.

"You think so? He never talked about her, I always asked him about her. Where is my mother? Who is she? Is she still alive? Does she know about me? The last time I saw him, he told me…he said that when we meet again, he will tell me everything about her. I wasn´t satisfied with this, but I just nodded and so we parted. Parted forever. And I will never get an answer. He took it to his grave."

"I know, it must be terrible not knowing the truth, but I only know that he really loved her. When I was five years old, I eavesdropped on them when they were talking about your mother. My mother was angry like always, accusing him of loving you more than his legitimatized children. Suggesting him to take you away from Winterfell to Lord Arryn as his ward. Father was outraged, and told her to never say something like that again. Also never mention your mother in front of him again. _You don´t need to know anything about this. The only thing you should know is, that he is my son by blood and that I loved his mother with all my heart. You will never propose something like that again, he will stay here with us and that´s it_. And with that, he left my mother crying alone."

"So if it´s Lyanna or someone else, he loved her Jon, that´s all you should know. And he loved you."

He was speechless. He didn´t know how he felt about this. He let go of her, and went to the door.

"Thank you, Sansa" he said and stretched his hand out. Waiting for her to come to him, and take it, so they could leave for dinner.

She didn´t hesitated for a minute. She headed straight to him and took his hand.

"Enough of all the talking, it made me hungry" he said, to lift the mood.

* * *

She felt intimidated by the stares of the men. They were looking at them, while she was eating. Jon tried to calm her down, telling her that´s normal, cause they never see really a woman here, especially not one who was sitting and eating with him. They must think she was someone really important. Which she was, in a weird way. But she didn´t like to think about it.

After a while, she saw Lord Thorne again. He smiled at her with a wicked grin from his table the opposite from them. She couldn´t stand him. She knew he would make her stay here not enjoyable. Suddenly she felt sick and cold. She thought about to excuse herself, to go to her room to rest. But she didn´t want to be alone right now. She wanted to be with Jon for a while. As if he knew her struggle, Jon said.

"Are you feeling sick, Sansa? Should I escort you back to your room?"

"No everything is fine Jon, I´m just a little bit tired because of the weary journey" she lied.

"It can be very exhausting love, but it will pass away. You need to rest for the next days, and after that you will feel like new. I know the feeling" he assured her.

"You´re right. I will start with it after our dinner."

"Did Sam show you around?"

"Not really. He showed me the dinner room here, and some corridors. That´s it. We just headed straight to my chamber, like you told him" she said.

"I will show you around tomorrow, after you have rested well."

"That would be lovely" responded Sansa and looked at him with a smile.

She saw wine in his goblet, and craved also for one.

"Jon, could I get a glass wine."

"You´re drinking wine?" he asked astonished, and took a sip of the wine.

"Cersei always insisted that I drink with her. She loved it. I always saw her with a goblet full of wine. There was not a day, where she didn´t drink it. I hated it at first, I just didn´t like the taste of it. But after a while I got used to it."

"Interesting" he said and asked one of the attendants to bring him a new goblet with wine.

"Thank you" she said.

"You shall have everything you crave. Don´t be shy to ask."

She wanted to respond, but Lord Thorne came with two men to them. He sat beside Jon, with the result that he was sitting exactly across from her. The other two were still standing, and looking at her with an inappropriate regard.

"So this is lady Stark. I must say she´s a beauty to everyones eyes. Is she your sister or your cousin?" he asked with an arrogant tone in his voice, trying to provoke him.

"It´s none of your business. You should leave" said Jon with a commanding voice.

She barely saw him like that. It was new for her.

Ser Alliser laughed. "Did I found a weakness here. Why don´t you explain to us what she´s doing here. Women aren´t allowed here, and you know that. Yet we have not only one here.." he pointed at her. "No, also Widling women. Where everything can happen to _her_."

Jon was furious. He stood up and dragged him high.

"Is this a threat!" he said with his face only inches away from him.

"I only said, what I think could happen" answered Thorne.

"For the sake of you, I hope nothing will happen. Cause if, you will be the first one I will kill. Now leave, or I will lose myself" said Jon with a dark face, and released him. The room was dead calm. Everyone stopped eating and looked at them.

"If you say so. But you can´t fool me! We all know that you brought her here for your enjoyment. First you lay with a Wildling woman, and now with your own sister. _Once an oath breaker, always an oath breaker_. The rumors may be true, you must be a Targaryen. After all that´s what you´re doing, fucking your own sister."

Jon saw red. He immediately run towards Thorne, and struck him in the face with his fist. Sam and some of his men came and tried to hold him off, but Jon pushed them away.

"This is the last time, you speak of such nonsense. If you ever talk like that again…" He didn´t even finish the sentence, just pointed at him with fury in his eyes.

"Bring him to the dungeon. He will stay there for two days." With that, they took him off. Leaving Jon with Sansa and Sam alone.

Jon was still standing in his place, looking like he would kill someone.

Sansa didn´t know what to do. She was shocked because of Thornes behaviour, but she was also afraid. Afraid of Thornes statement, that something could happen to her. After a while she said.

"Jon, can you escort me to my room."

He came back from his trance and looked at her for the first time since the incident.

"Of course" he only said without any emotion and took her hand.

They headed straight to her room, without any pause. His hand was firm on hers. She found it quite painful, but didn´t say anything. He was troubled enough.

After a while they stopped in front of her door, with Jon dragging her literally in.

She didn´t know him so possessive. This was something new for her.

"Jon. Please can you stop it. Just talk with me, but don´t act like that. You´re frightening me."

"I´m sorry. Usually I don´t act like that, you know this. But…he provoked me bad. He´s doing it since the first time I was here. I never gave it a mind. But now that he attacked you…I couldn´t just do nothing. He needs to know who is in charge, sometimes I lose myself around him" he said frustrated and sat at her bed.

"Jon I understand this, but don´t let him ruin you. He wants you exactly like that, maybe trying to bring your dark side out. For the sake of your own, just ignore him" she said carefully and sat beside him. Taking his hand in hers, and stroking it. "You´re probably right, I should have known better.

He wants me to act mad, to let the others know that I can't be a commander. So he could be one. He always wanted the position, I should let someone observe him. Tracking every step he´s making."

"Maybe you should" she said and looked at him.

* * *

She was laying in her bed, trying to sleep. It was pitch dark outside. She could only see the pale moon, which was shining through her window.

Jon was sitting on a chair not far away from her, waiting for her to fall asleep like usually.

He could hear her movements around her bed.

"Is there something bothering you" he asked her.

"No. I should ask you this, not the other way around."

"You don´t need to worry, just sleep."

"Please talk with me" she said.

"I…can´t" he only said and stood up.

She saw him heading to the door, and wanted to get up. Before she could do it, she heard him saying.

"Don´t follow me."

The door closed, and she was left alone in the dark.

* * *

**It´s really late, but I was sick for a whole week! And right now I´m on vacation :) Yeah and I got caught up with other things like COMIC CON! I wish I could go there -.- I will try to update every week! But I can´t promise anything :) Also I didn´t know how long it takes for someone to travel from Winterfell to the Nights Watch, but I googled it! And many people were saying that it must be about a week! **


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